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From Five to Infinity — A Year of Wednesdays — Medium

October 24, 2014

When you sat down across the table from me, we both ducked our eyes with a combination of shyness and anticipation. You ran your fingers through your hair and I did the same with mine and then when we stopped saying too many things all at once we looked at each other and grinned sideways. My cheeks got warm and I wanted to feel your fingers on the back of my neck so I ran my own hands through my hair again.

I knew you were handsome but I didn’t know what it would feel like when it was just you smiling only at me. When I saw it I knew suddenly why a baby can play peek-a-boo a thousand times in a row and never tire of it. Just smile at me across the table everyday in the warm afternoon sun, day after day, year after year, I thought to myself, and I’ll laugh each time like it’s the first.

Do you remember what dinner tasted like? I do, but not the food specifically. I remember it tasted like something I wanted to keep eating forever, and then it tasted like an unexpected treasure you fall upon with glee, and then when we kissed each other it tasted like you.

Music sounds better when you listen to it a little drunk, sprawled on a rug on the floor. Or a lot drunk, that too. Almost as good as it does in the car. Maybe even better than it does in the shower, but who’s paying attention to music in the shower.

If I think about how you smell I find myself faced with an impossible choice: better at night or better in the morning?

Two people who do not know yet how to touch each other learn in fits and starts. You do not know my language. I am not here to colonize you. We are fumbling and exploring and nowhere near familiar. When you grab my hand on the street I lean in and squeeze tighter. You do it again three blocks later. When I brush by you on the way to the kitchen, I kiss your shoulder and your cheek as you sit bent over a book, reading with great concentration. I think you don’t notice so I step away but then one finger traces my thigh in motion and so I come back to kiss time and again. Your hips against my hips are at first uncertain and then set into motion, each time with greater dexterity and knowing, and then I can feel you smiling against my face and I am laughing in your ear and then we are all of it, we are everything at once.

via From Five to Infinity — A Year of Wednesdays — Medium.


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